Im Feeling Codependant I Miss My Baby Girl
Dearest songs are where we get our passion, our soul — and most of our worst ideas.
Nil expert tin come of this. Photo by Achim Voss/Flickr.
Throughout man history, oceans have been crossed, mountains have been scaled, and groovy families have blossomed — all considering of a few simple chords and a melody that inflamed a eye and propelled it on a noble, romantic mission.
On the other hand, that time you told that girl you just started seeing that you would "catch a grenade" for her? Y'all did that because of a love vocal. And information technology wasn't exactly a coincidence that she all of a sudden decided to "lose your number" and motility dorsum to Milwaukee to "figure some stuff out."
"It's just, my mom. You know? And Fifty.A. is and then hot in the summer. And yeah, my mom." Photograph via iStock.
That time you held that boom box over your head exterior your ex's business firm? You did that because of a beloved song. And fifty hours of customs service later, you lot're notwithstanding not dorsum together.
Love songs are bang-up. They make our hearts crush faster. They inspire us to take risks and put our feelings on the line. And they give usa terrible, terrible ideas nigh how actual, real-life man relationships should work.
They're amazing. So astonishing. And besides terrible.
Here are 6 love songs that sound romantic but aren't, and one vocal that doesn't audio romantic only totally is:
one. "God Simply Knows," past The Embankment Boys
You can keep your "Surfin' Safaris," your "I Get Arounds," and your "Assist me Rhondas."
When information technology comes to The Beach Boys, "God Only Knows" is where it's at. A lush garden of soft horns and breezy melody. A necktie-dye swirl of sound. A mural of haunted innocence with some of the most heartrending lyrics ever committed to the back of a surfboard.
Youth! Youth! Youth! Photo past Hulton Archive/Getty Images.
Here'southward why it sounds romantic:
I may not always love you
Only long as at that place are stars higher up you
You never demand to doubt it
I'll brand you so certain almost it
God but knows what I'd be without you
If you're traipsing through a meadow in a sundress with your beloved and not playing "God Only Knows" on your iPod, y'all should really stop and start over.
If you're lazily bumping a beach ball over a volleyball net and "God Just Knows" isn't playing somewhere in the back of your heed, you need to rethink the choices that got you to this point.
If you're a video editor compiling footage of grainy hippies frolicking in the mud and you're not underscoring it with the opening chords of "God Only Knows," you are doing information technology wrong.
Hippies, likely on their manner to a mud frolic. Photo by Colin Davey/Getty Images.
It'due south a song that just feels like honey. Pure love. Immature dearest. Honey with a chill, kelp-y vibe.
What could exist incorrect with that?
Here's why it'due south actually really, really unromantic:
There's nada wrong with loving someone. Sending them flowers. Leaving over-the-top notes in their P.O. boxes. Stroking their hair as they fall asleep while yous whisper the consummate works of Nicholas Sparks into their ear.
"Miles Ryan stood on the dorsum porch of his business firm, smoking a cigarette..." Photo by hatchettebookgroup.biz.
Just there is such a affair every bit loving someone a skosh besides much.
If you should ever leave me
Though life would still proceed believe me
The world could evidence nothing to me
So what adept would living practise me?
Look, I get information technology. Breakups suck. There's no getting effectually that. Only good God.
At that place'due south a huge deviation between saying: "Hey babe, y'all are my start and foremost everything and I'll exist bummed if you get." And saying: "Welp, you accepted that job in Seattle, so I'm just gonna chug a bunch of nightshade and call it a life."
But that's pretty much the gist hither. Which makes this line...
God only knows what I'd exist without you
...horror-movie creepy. Considering the answer, apparently, is: "I'd be a corpse!"
Ah well. We had a proficient run. Photo via iStock.
That'south not love. That'south codependency (to put information technology mildly). Oh, and hey! Threatening to impale yourself if your partner leaves isn't loving. It's a course of emotional abuse.
Investing all your happiness and sense of cocky-worth in any relationship — i that, by definition, might ane day end — is putting a lot of eggs in one basket. Certain, God may merely know what yous'd be without her, but God probably besides hopes yous have, I don't know, some hobbies. Take a yoga class. Google some woodworking videos. Effort kite surfing.
"Yep! Hell yeah! What was her proper noun once again?" Photo by Jim Semlor/Federal Highway Administration.
One person cannot exist anyone'due south exist-all and terminate-all. It's besides stressful. And information technology prevents you from doing you lot, which is a thing that'southward gotta be done earlier you can practise anything else.
No wonder she took that task in Seattle.
2. "Treasure," past Bruno Mars
Certain, it's a breathy rip off of every Michael Jackson song you lot've ever heard. Simply, nosotros don't accept Michael Jackson anymore, and as tribute acts get, you could do a lot worse than Bruno Mars.
Await at that face. That face up! Photo by Brothers Le/Flickr.
Here's why the vocal sounds romantic:
Treasure, that is what you are
Honey, you're my golden star
You lot know yous can make my wish come true
If you permit me treasure you lot
If yous let me treasure y'all
Laissez passer those lyrics to anyone on a used napkin at an eighth-grade make-out political party and yous'll likely go an instant toll pass on the highway to tongue-town (ew).
Pass them to your spouse and, chances are, date nighttime is going to culminate in 47 minutes of celibate-even so-passionate frenching.
Pass them to a cop who pulls y'all over for running a stop sign, and they will recollect you're weird — but probably yet make out with you.
In fact, Bruno Mars basically has a lifetime pass to brand out with America because of this song.
This is what happens when you write "Treasure" and you're on stage with Michelle Obama. Photo by Mandel Ngan/Getty Images.
And I'm OK with that.
But, here's why "Treasure" isn't as romantic as it seems:
Everything about "Treasure" is retro. Everything.
Including its attitudes virtually gender.
"Children, have I ever told you what I shouted at your female parent on the street the first time we met?" Photo by Jacobsen/Getty Images.
Things start to get south right from the very kickoff:
Give me your, requite me your, give me your attending, baby
I gotta tell you a little something about yourself
Ah yes. Aught screams "respect" quite similar a human lecturing a strange adult female on the street most something she "doesn't know about herself."
What could it be? Could it be that her jokes are funny? Could information technology exist that she'due south got something in her teeth? Could it be that her nonfiction book about early on modern German history is extremely detailed and informative?
"Cheers for teaching me all about Martin Luther'due south bible!" Photo by Torsten Schleese/Wikimedia Commons.
Spoiler Alert: It's none of those.
You're wonderful, flawless, ooh, yous're a sexy lady
Only you walk around hither similar y'all wanna be someone else
Oh. It'southward that she's sexy. Cool, bro. Very original.
Discussion of advice? Regardless of how she'southward walking, the lady knows she's sexy. Even if she doesn't, information technology really doesn't touch on her day-to-solar day so much that you, a consummate stranger, demand to shout information technology at her (even over a funky disco snare).
So what if she does desire to exist someone else? I'd love to be someone else! I call up being Ryan Gosling would be quite nice. A good fashion to spend a three-solar day weekend.
Sure, in that location'd exist an adjustment period... Photo by Eamonn M. McCormack/Getty Images.
Then later, of course, the narrator can't help himself:
Pretty girl, pretty daughter, pretty girl, yous should be smiling
A girl like y'all should never look so bluish.
He respects her so much, he'south really direct-upwards telling her to smile! Much like Mars' character "Uptown Funk," who appears to get off on angrily exhorting girls to "hit [their] hallelujah." Which, you know, I guess everybody's got a matter.
Yep, in the world of "Treasure," a healthy relationship is an unending stream of a man complimenting a strange adult female and said woman beingness so totally flattered that she immediately dispenses "the sexual practice."
He so proceeds to talk to his potential lover like the world'southward creepiest pirate:
Yous are my treasure, you are my treasure
You are my treasure, yep, you, you, you, you are
You lot are my treasure, y'all are my treasure
You are my treasure, yeah, yous, you, y'all, you are
Past this point, in his mind, she'south a literal thing. An object. Which is fitting.
I suppose it could be worse, though. At to the lowest degree she'south not just any thing.
GIF from "The Two Towers."
That's ... something, right?
3. "Don't Retrieve Twice, It'due south All Right," by Bob Dylan
For as long as humans have been dating each other, humans have been breaking upwardly with each other. And "Don't Think Twice" is a portrait of a relationship going down in flames. Glorious, poetic, acoustic flames.
Bob Dylan, a guy who is good at writing songs that a lot of people like. Photo by William Lovelace/Getty Images.
Here's why information technology sounds romantic:
Well, it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
Even you don't know past now
And it ain't no apply to sit and wonder why, baby
It'll never do somehow
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window, and I'll exist gone
You're the reason I'm a-traveling on
Just don't recall twice, it's all right.
Nail. Strummed on out of that friends-with-benefits situation similar whoa.
"Don't Think Twice" is a raw song. An honest vocal. A powerful vocal. Information technology's the song your older sis played on continuous loop for six months after her young man left for college. The song that convinced your Aunt Roslyn to leave her bank-teller job, load her four Australian shepherds into the van, and open a wind chinkle store in Mendocino. The song your friend's cool dad always wants to play when he invited your high school band over to his apartment to jam.
"What timbre are you looking for?" Photo by Sharon Ang/Pixabay.
Sure, information technology's well-nigh the stop of a relationship, but it sounds romantic. And at the cease of the day, shouldn't that be enough?
Here's why it's actually sooooo messed up:
Relationships end. For a lot of reasons. And while there is no right fashion to call it quits with someone, when the dust settles, both parties can certainly benefit from a difficult, honest discussion about what went incorrect.
It'southward not me, Joan. It's you. 100% you. Photo past Rowland Scherman/Getty Images.
In "Don't Remember Twice," that word basically boils downwards to: "It's your fault."
Let's review the reasons the dude in "Don't Think Twice" is splitting with his lady friend:
I gave her my middle, only she wanted my soul
Ugh, women, right? You're all like, "Babe, I just take and so much unspecified love to requite," and she's similar, "Take out the trash!" And you're like, "But baaaaaaabe, shouldn't my heart exist enough?" And she'south similar, "No, seriously. I already did the laundry, cleaned the whole house, fed the dog, did the dishes, and made both of our lunches for the week. All I demand you to practice is have out the trash." And you're like, "You're bumming me out. I'm gonna go play guitar." And then she gets all mad! What did you practice? Why is she trying to change y'all? UGH!
You could have done better, simply I don't mind
Yeah. You lot exercise mind! You mind! Y'all wrote a song nearly it, y'all passive-ambitious prick.
Y'all simply kinda wasted my precious time
Ah yes. Your fourth dimension is so precious! Retrieve about all the hours you lot wasted plumbing the ocean-deep, ecstatic mysteries of human partnership when you could take been futzing around with that home-mash kit.
Yes, this was worth it. Photo by Bill Bradford/Flickr.
The minute you start breaking it downward, the message of "Don't Think Twice" suddenly starts to seem a lot less romantic. Similar your sister's ex-boyfriend, who worked at the Bass Pro Shop in town for a while and at present might exist in jail. Like your aunt'south wind chime store, which would take closed forever ago had she non received that inheritance from her mom in the '80s. Like your friend'southward cool dad, who wasn't exactly, technically, paying child back up.
"Yous kids want a beer? No ane'southward under xiii, correct?" Photo via iStock.
Oh aye, and the vocal's narrator also signal-bare refers woman he's leaving every bit:
A child, I'chiliad told
That'south right. In addition to being a run-of-the-manufacturing plant passive-aggressive jerk — turns out, he's besides mayhap a pedophile.
Fifty-fifty if we are to take that this is a metaphor and she'southward not actually a child — which there's no indication it is, but OK, Bob Dylan — the fact that Commitmentphobe Gunderson here would willingly choose an immature partner reflects way more poorly on him than it does on her.
Breaking up with anyone in such a roughshod, dismissive fashion is a recipe for sticking them with years of therapy bills.
Which, I suppose, may be the point.
iv. "Leaving on a Jet Plane," past John Denver
Who has two thumbs and wrote a bittersweet folk song about hurtling through the stratosphere in a behemothic aluminum tube at 600 miles per hour?
This guy. Photo by Hughes Television Network/Wikimedia Commons.
Hither's why it sounds romantic:
"Leaving on a Jet Aeroplane" is a lovely song. And impressive in its loveliness because jet planes were still kind of new at the fourth dimension it was written.
'Cause I'g leavin' on a jet aeroplane
To a modern ear, this would be sort of like singing, "I'chiliad a scoooting abroad on my hoverboooooard," but in a way that's somehow still folksy and heartbreaking and singable past ix-twelvemonth-olds at summertime camp. Not easy to do!
Oh infant, I hate to go
You come across — he hates to go! He only hates it! We know this, because he tells u.s. he hates information technology. And why would he hate to go if he didn't love his partner just that much?
See ya! Photograph past Altair78/Wikimedia Commons.
Why indeed?
Here's why it's actually not that romantic at all:
All the plaintive guitar, loping bass line, and twangy, melancholy warbling in the world can simply distract then much from the fact that the song'southward main graphic symbol is well, kind of a jerkweed.
And in reality — surprise surprise! — it doesn't really seem like he hates existence away all that much:
At that place's so many times I've let you downward
So many times I've played effectually
I tell you lot now, they don't mean a thing
"Baby, I hope! All the movies I watched alone while yous were home nursing the quadruplets. All the times I tuckered our life savings on Zoo Zillionaire. All the random sexual practice I had with other women. Totally meaningless. Certainly fun to do! Really fun. Like, I had a fantastic time. Only rest bodacious — completely empty, in an ontological sense."
"Every bit empty as this bed I just finished having sex with someone else in." Photo via iStock.
Yes, when you intermission information technology down, "Leaving on a Jet Plane," is less of a passionate tribute to beloved overcoming distance and more the deluded ramblings of a guy who needs to convince himself he's "good" despite all evidence to the contrary.
And for all he claims to be broken up most having to part from his i and just, the dude seems pretty excited about the flight. Oh, y'all're leaving on a jet plane, are you? Are yous Zone 1? Gonna humblebrag on Twitter most the "terrible" Cibo limited salad you were forced to choke down as you sat waiting to commence on your fun, mysterious adventure?
"Life so difficult @ LGA #missingmybabe." Photo by Gesalbte/Wikimedia Eatables.
He continues:
Ev'ry identify I become, I'll think of you
Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for you
Ah cool. He'll remember about her while strumming and making "my honey is delicate every bit the forenoon dew" eyes at a waif-y grad pupil in the front row. That pretty much makes upward for it all.
Then he demands:
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Later all the betrayal and heartbreak, subsequently basically revealing himself to exist a grade-A sleaze who can't exist trusted, he however has the gall to tell her to look? To wait for him?
And hither's the kicker:
When I come back, I'll bring your hymeneals ring
Ah yes. He'll put a ring on it. Finally.
"Ehhhhhhh...." Photo via iStock.
Unlike all the previous trips, where he'southward cheated a billion times, tuckered the family bank account, and simply been a general screwup and disappointment.
Simply yeah. This time he says he'll bring dorsum a wedding band.
I hope she joins a polyamorous octad and never looks back.
5. "When a Man Loves a Woman," Percy Sledge
When you lot look up "soul" in the dictionary, the book plays you a recording of this song.
Percy Sledge, having a few thoughts. Photo past Cistron Pugh/Flickr.
Specifically, it plays you the very beginning line.
Here's why it sound very romantic:
When a man loves a woman
Sure, yous can write the lyrics down, but it doesn't even come shut to capturing the heartache. The yearning. The succulent, delicious pain-belting:
WHEN A Man LOVES A Woman
Closer ... just still no.
WHEN A MAAAAAAAN. LOVES A WOOOMAN!
Yeah! Sing information technology, Percy Sledge!
Information technology's an elemental lyric.
It'southward a center-shattering lyric.
Information technology'south a lyric that demands y'all put your back into it.
It's perfection.
As long as you lot don't keep listening.
Hither's why the song is really pretty horrifying:
From the opening lines of "When a Man Loves a Woman," we know that, at to the lowest degree on occasion, a man loves a woman.
Which raises the question: What happens when said human loves said woman?
He'd give upward all his comforts
And sleep out in the rain
If she said that's the way
It ought to exist.
Whoa! OK. No. Back up. A human being, no matter how devoted, no matter how selfless, no matter how in love, needs shelter. Otherwise, a human being will die of exposure and hypothermia.
Turn his back on his best friend if he put her down.
No! Jeez. No. A man can't put upwards with that kind of isolating beliefs. A homo needs friends! Once a man's whole support organisation erodes out from under him, a man volition exist bitter, ungrounded, and lone. And a man's mental health will deteriorate.
I gave you everything I accept
Tryin' to concord on to your heartless love
Babe, please don't treat me bad.
This is non what happens "when a homo loves a adult female." It'south what happens when a homo loves a controlling, manipulative woman. An calumniating woman. A woman who, in truth, only loves a woman. Herself.
"It'south Chris or me." Photo by geralt/Pixabay.
And that'due south non good for you.
Run, Percy Sledge, run! We're here for y'all.
(Side note: Lest it go unsaid, at that place is way more than than one way for a man to dearest a woman. Maybe they spend every waking moment cuddling and bopping each other on the nose. Possibly they sleep in separate bedrooms. Maybe they apparel up in large, plush cat costumes and refer to each other Mr. and Mrs. Kittyhawk. And when a homo loves a man, I imagine it feels much the same. Or when a woman loves a woman. Or when a gender nonconforming person loves a gender nonconforming person.)
Regardless of the depth of commitment, living situation, or combination of genders or sexual orientations, there'south no i-size-fits-all love solution. Every human relationship is a unique snowflake. Variety is the spice of life. Necessity is the mother of invention. In that location's more than than one style to skin a cat. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.
It doesn't thing if information technology's the right metaphor, as long as information technology'south a metaphor. Photograph past Rosmarie Voegtli/Flickr.
Signal being: Generalize at your peril, Sledge. And please, seek assist! Y'all can do this! And if you ever detect yourself in a similar situation, please give these people a call.
six. "All I Wanna Do is Brand Beloved to You," Heart
Honestly, Heart could sing a list of the most popular AllRecipes ("Jaaaamie's Cranberry Spinach Saaaaalad/Globe's Best Lasaaaaagna/Sour Creeeeeam Cutouts") and information technology would brand me want to bawl my optics out in the artillery of a tall, nighttime stranger at the end of a pier.
This vocal is perfect. You should always be listening to it. If you're not listening to information technology now, smack yourself in the face up and Google it. It's but that important.
I am singing the telephone book. You are weeping like a tiny baby. Photo by FatCat125/Wikimedia Commons.
So much passion. So much pain. And then much hair.
Here's why information technology sounds romantic:
Over pounding drums and a soaring melody, Heart sisters Nancy and Ann Wilson evangelize a primal tribute to the one true romantic fantasy shared by every living being on Earth: picking upwardly an unnervingly attractive homo for i nighttime of heed-blowing sexual activity and then releasing him dorsum into the wild to os — only never quite as compellingly ever over again.
They sing:
It was a rainy night when he came into sight
Standing by the route, no umbrella, no coat
Then I pulled up alongside and I offered him a ride
He accepted with a grinning so we drove for a while
I don't accept to go on because you know what happens side by side, and it'southward awesome.
"I just sit in this cabin. Counting the days since. Counting ... the ... days." Photo by Rene Asmussen/Pexels.
Now, hither'southward why this song is not romantic at all:
The relationship in "All I Wanna Do" seems too good to exist true. And information technology is. Because it'south non an equally loving ,or fifty-fifty every bit lusty, pairing at all.
It's a...
It'south a...
Well. Yous know what it is:
Adept at recognizing no-win situations and delicious with lemon?! Photograph by Pikawil/Flickr.
For a while, things are bustling along just fine, like any wholesome, illicit, anonymous affair should:
I didn't enquire him his name, this lonely male child in the rain
Fate, tell me it's right, is this love at offset sight?
Certain, many of us might hesitate to pick upwards a strange leather-jacket-clad human standing on the side of the route for a no-strings-attached screw, but our narrator only has a feeling well-nigh this guy, and sometimes, you gotta go with your gut.
I can respect that.
We made magic that night
He did everything right
Nifty! Seems like information technology was a good decision. Bonking the hitchhiker is payin' off big time.
But then, without warning, the song starts to sound less like an all-time great romance and more like a story men's rights activists tell each other as they vape around a campfire:
I told him "I am the flower, you are the seed
We walked in the garden, we planted a tree
Don't try to find me, delight don't you cartel
Just live in my retentiveness, you lot'll always be there"
I'thousand not a poet. Symbolic language often eludes me. But unless "flower," "seed," "garden," and "tree," all of a sudden mean wildly different things in the context of homo reproduction than they take since sexual practice was start invented in the early-1970s, we're talking about a surprise, non-mutually-consensual pregnancy!
Hello! Photo by Avsar Aras/Wikimedia Eatables.
Of course, metaphors are opaque, interpretations vary, etc., etc., etc. You might be tempted to think, "Peradventure Heart meant something else past that."
To that I say, no, they definitely meant information technology:
Then it happened i solar day
We came round the same manner
You tin imagine his surprise
When he saw his ain eyes
At that place are two possibilities here.
1: The narrator of the song is recently-deceased Jerry Orbach from this creepy New York City subway ad from nine years agone:
Photo by eyedonation.org.
Or 2: She totally conned a dude into whipping upwards a infant on the sly.
I said, "Please, delight sympathise
Ah, sure. Yeah. No worries.
I'chiliad in dearest with another man
Cool, so this all makes sense and is in no way the nightmarish scheme of a deranged sociopath who has now wrecked non one but two lives.
And what he couldn't requite me, oh, no
Was the one piddling affair that you tin"
A Man LIFE! A REAL SENTIENT HUMAN LIFE THAT IS Non INCIDENTAL TO ALL OF THIS!
The all-time you tin can say nearly that is that information technology's not technically illegal, and that leather-jacket man probably should have been responsible for his own nascence command. Or, at the very least, asked more questions .
But ... it's not cute. Information technology'due south non romantic (even the Wilson sisters themselves concur).
And at the stop of the day, the shadiest character in this song is somehow non the rain-soaked hitchhiker wandering to nowhere in the night.
Which... is proverb something.
But in that location is a love song that is truly, madly, deeply perfect. An unassailable track in a bounding main of problematic faves.
A vocal that does everything correct.
A vocal that paints a portrait of a healthy partnership built to final.
A song that can double as a manual for the ideal homo romantic relationship.
And that song is...
"Candy Shop," by 50 Cent, featuring Olivia
Here's why you might be — OK, almost definitely are — skeptical:
fifty Cent (L) and that guy. Yous know, that guy? That guy! Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images.
As catchy as "Candy Shop" is, as fun it is to trip the light fantastic to, and as cathartic as information technology tin can exist to scream in the heart of a crowded fraternity house at 2 a.m., at that place's no getting around the fact that the song begins like this:
I'll take y'all to the processed shop
I'll let y'all lick the lollipop
I'll postal service that over again, in case yous missed some of the nuance:
I'll take you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollipop
Mode to have one for the team, narrator of "Candy Store"!
At starting time glance, "Candy Shop" is nobody's idea of a classic love vocal.
The lyrics are ... unusually forwards. The beat is kinda basic. The hook is similar the music they play when Abu Nazir sidles scarily by in "Homeland."
OooooOOOOoooooOOOo. GIF from "Homeland."
Information technology doesn't go played much anymore. When it does resurface, it feels ... kinda dated. Like watching that DVD of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" on your new Xbox 360.
It's not a song you'd put on a mixtape for your crush. Information technology's not a song yous'd play for your spouse when the kids are at home with the babysitter and y'all've got nine hours to tear up the Piscataway Hampton Inn. It'south certainly not a song you'd include on the video photograph montage y'all made for your grandparents' argent anniversary.
It's merely non.
But information technology should be.
Then here it is. Hither'southward why "Processed Store" past l Cent, featuring Olivia, is actually the perfect relationship vocal:
You wanna back that affair up or should I push up on it? Photo by ionasnicolae/Pixabay.
The bass drum hits. The MIDI violins whine. The singer starts filling out his fellatio permission slip. It's only been xx seconds, and you're already getting prepare to hang it upward with "Candy Store."
But then ... over the square thrum and the mewling strings, a miracle occurs — in the course of a female person phonation joining the rail, cutting through the din like a clarion call.
She sings:
I'll take you to the processed shop (yes)
Boy, one gustatory modality of what I got (uh-huh)
I'll have you spendin' all you got (come on)
Keep going 'til you lot hit the spot, whoa
It's mutual! It's mutual! They're performing oral sex activity on each other!
Ring the bells! Bang the drums! Release the doves!
Go, cunnilingus doves, go! Photo by liz west/Flickr.
50 Cent himself may not exist the earth's greatest partner — for instance, according to one of his exes, he's done some pretty unforgivable things.
Merely the narrator of "Candy Shop"? He gets information technology:
Yous could have it your way, how exercise you lot want it?
Rather than merely imposing his desires on the person he'southward with — a la the dude in "God But Knows ("I'm going to invest my unabridged sense of self-worth in you!") or the street heckler in "Treasure" ("I'm going to care for you like a chest full of gilded doubloons!") or the sociopath in "All I Wanna Practise is Make Love to Yous," ("I'g going to trick yous into knocking me up!") — the "Candy Shop" guy actually asks his partner what she wants.
Which, in the globe of pop music, is good for well-nigh l,000 trillion points.
And where are they going to do it? The hotel? Dorsum of the rental? The embankment? The park?
Information technology'southward whatever you're into
'Cause consent is sexy!
I ain't finished teaching you 'bout how sprung I got ya
The narrator of "Processed Store" is certainly ... assertive about his desires.
But here'due south the key thing: the lady on the receiving end of those desires? She's clearly into information technology. And we know this because she says so.
The lines of consent in "Candy Store" are vivid red, highlighted, and soldered into the weirdly pasty club flooring.
Meanwhile, Robin Thicke is outside trying to convince the bouncer that his uncle is a lawyer. Photo past Grim23/Wikimedia Eatables.
Daughter what we practice ...
And where we practise ...
The things we do ...
Are just between me and you
No affair how nasty they freak, it will exist intimate. It will exist private. There will be no revenge porn (the epilogue to "Blurred Lines," to wit, would definitely be a protracted, emotionally devastating lawsuit).
If you be a nympho, I'll be a nympho
Sexual compatibility is central to the survival of any relationship, whether years, weeks, or (very perchance in the case of "Candy Shop") minutes long.
She may have a high sex drive, but dude is graciously offering to adjust her. What a gentleman! These crazy kids merely might go the distance subsequently all.
And at the end of the mean solar day, what is a relationship only 2 nymphos, sharing health insurance?
Thank you, Obamacare! Photo by Wonderlane/Flickr.
Information technology'southward like it's a race who could get undressed quicker
Once again, everybody is having a great time. And, critically, an equally great time.
I touch the right spot at the right time
Of grade, it wouldn't exist a popular/hip-hop hit without a spot of random humbug, merely if we're to have him at his word, "Candy Shop" guy is at least as practiced at "doing everything right" equally the anonymous hitchhiker from "All I Wanna Do is Make Beloved to Y'all" — except without all the creepy surprise baby nonsense.
The "Candy Store" guy is a keeper. Because he's not a hero or a stranger in the night or a funky, shimmering beloved god. He'southward a good partner.
"Candy Store" is raunchy. It's dirty. Information technology's not your grandmother's love song.
But when you lot strip away the swagger, the back shell, and the weird strings from "All-time of Public Domain Heart Eastern Music 1993," by the end of the song, both people are satisfied. And at the end of the 24-hour interval, isn't that what a healthy human relationship is all nigh?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Photo by Francois Durand/Getty Images.
So seductive.
Source: https://www.upworthy.com/6-songs-that-seem-romantic-but-arent-and-one-that-seems-like-it-isnt-but-is
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